Here's My Oh $h%#! Diet


We’ve all been there.

A vacation comes way quicker than we anticipated.

You are asked to wear a bridesmaid’s dress, that, to your disbelief, combines unflattering material with unflattering tailoring in a way you previously didn’t even think was possible.


Or you get invited to an uber–cool event, and it’s just 3 weeks away! The proper attire listed on the invite? “Poolside Chic.”


Well, I had my own Oh $h%#! moment last night.


I am auditioning my new live online boot camp, (which starts March 1st) for Shark Tank. The bottom line is, the original date of the casting call was for April 18th, but as of last night, it has now been moved up to March 30th.


Oh no! How am I going to be ready in time? When I stand in front of the casting director and the show’s producers, I want to be in the best shape of my life. However, I literally just had back surgery 9 weeks ago. What’s a health nut to do?


I’ll tell you what! Clean up that diet! We all know that it is not just exercise, but nutrition that also leads the charge in getting you the super–fit body that you want.


So today’s blog is a little different. I am going to lay out for you every inch of my eating plan right here and now. I think I will do this in Video Form at some point very soon too, so you can see what some of these items look like as well.


Length of Time 5 weeks


Please note: This is simply a tightened up version of what I eat/do everyday anyway, so the transition is more or less seamless.

Here we go.


Monday – Friday

6:30am 16 oz. water

Workout #1 sometime between 8–12pm. 40 minutes.

7:30am 16 oz. water

Sometime between 9am–12pm:

Banana–Spinach Smoothie

(2 ripe bananas, 3 handfuls of fresh spinach, 32 oz. water)

½ cup old–fashioned Quaker oats with 1 T. Grade B Maple Syrup


Between 2:30–5pm:

1 or 2 apples

2 or 3 large carrots

4–6 GF crackers with almond ricotta (Recipe here: )

2 scoops Raw Veggie Protein Powder mixed with glutamine, BCAA’s and MSM Powder and 16 oz. water

1 cup of berries or 1 mango

32 oz. water


Between 5–7:30pm:

One of the following:

4 ears of corn with 1 T. earth balance butter

unlimited brown rice with seasoning, and/or a green vegetable

unlimited black or kidney beans with seasoning, tomato and avocado

1 GF, Dairy–Free frozen pizza per week

Red or French lentils with seasoning and celery

On Tuesdays & Thursdays: Workout #2 happens between 6:30–7:30pm. 30 minutes


Between 8–8:30pm: 16 oz. water

Optional before bed, one of the following:

½ oz. dark chocolate

½ one 16 oz. bottle of Kombucha

1 oz. of Miyoko’s Kitchen Vegan Mozzarella wrapped in fresh basil leaves and a few olives

3 T. hemp seed


Asleep by 9:30pm



Workout at 9am

Raw all day, skip dinner. (This is a IF-in reverse day for me, if you will)



Rest day, no workout.

1 Cheat meal for brunch or dinner, which will include vegan nachos, soy or seitan-based imitation meats, a cinnamon bun from Cinnaholic (OMG egg–free dairy–free design-your-own donuts. CAN YOU EVEN.) or vegan gelato that my neighbor makes from scratch using rice milk. The rest of the day looks similar to Saturday, minus the Whiskey.



2 nights: Wine Wednesdays (I host girls’ night at my house each week) and Saturday nights usually involve 1 or 2 of the following concoction:

1 oz. Knob Creek whiskey

6 oz. coconut water

½ of one fresh-squeezed lime



Kcals 1700–2800 per day

Water intake 1 gallon per day

Sodium 600–1100 mg per day

Macros All you macro nerds out there, can go ahead and do the math if you wish. But it’s a rough 50/25/25 split.

Workouts per week 7, with each session lasting 30-40 min.

Days with double sessions 2

Rest days 1, with an additional day including only 1 very light workout, such as a brisk walk, roller blading, or easy swim.

Hours of sleep per night 9

Projected result 6 lbs. lost, with an add-on of almost 1 lb. of muscle.


Snapshot of Weekly Grocery List

5 apples
14++ bananas
1 small bag of large carrots
1 wheel of Kite Hill almond ricotta
1 box of GF crackers
1 large bunch of basil
1 large bunch of cilantro
3 limes
5+ tomatoes
2 boxes of spinach
4 ears of corn
1 bag of flash frozen green peas
1 small box of black or kidney beans
1 GF, Dairy–Free pizza, Daiya or Sprouts brand
2 bottles of kombucha
1 liter bottle of Taste Nirvan coconut water
1 glob (LOL) of Miyoko’s Mozz

*Please also note that some items, like Quaker oats, olives, dark chocolate and hemp seeds I have stocked piled a bunch of and won’t need to buy more of before April.

Cost per grocery shop approximately $78 per week.


And that’s it. This is my 5–week game plan to crush the Shark Tank audition.

I don’t know if this diet is right for you or not. This is a highly personalized game plan I built for me. And hey, your taste buds are not my taste buds (shock and horror, you may not fancy whiskey! You may be more of a ‘tini girl or a scotch dude.) J And that’s okay. Because there is one thing in this game planwe ALL CAN benefit from, aside from lots of good sleep of course:


If you would work out with me for the entire month of March, you can. You can join me live on Google Hangouts on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturday mornings, as well as have my recorded workout links sent straight to your inbox, 7 days a week, for the WHOLE month of March. I am not kidding. I would love to have you with me on my Shark Tank journey.  


The cost for this for the whole month of March is just $19. Use promo code MARCH19 at checkout.

I have never offered anything like this, and I am so excited.

And you know what? I think Mark Cuban, Barbara Corcoran and Mr. Wonderful will be too :)

For the entire month of March, I am talking the EXACT same sculpting, fat–burning, intense workouts I am doing, which will get me to my goal while at the same time protect and shield my low back from any further issues.

So what happens after March? If you love the workouts, great! I am not certainly stopping. Never have, never will. The regular unlimited month-to-month membership is $57. You can cancel your memebership at any time, and it is easy to do so. I made sure of this when I created the site, as this is an important factor for me whenever I am looking to join something.

For all the info:

Also, check out the FAQ section for a solid rundown. If you still have questions, you need to email me. Why? Because I am aways here for you, and I want to do anything I can to help you reach your goals, just like I am trying to reach mine.

We are in this together.

If we can reach our goals together, we can thrive together, which is what life is all about. There is no good in being successful if you are only successful alone.

There is no joy in that.

“In serving each other, we become free.” –Moses Kgosibodiba

Let me know how I may further serve you :) 

Have a beautiful day. Love,



I have had numerous friends tell me that their mantra for 2017 is simply going to be “LOVE.”


Coincidence? I think not. I think this is awesome! It means our collective consciousness is moving, it is heightening!


And today, on all days of the year, we connect with loved ones to share this great passionate thing we all have inside of us.


It is love.


It is all we are at our core.


It is what we crave from others. It is our singular reigning request from our universe. Our treatment of this truth can either create our biggest internal void or our absolute ecstasy. Because our entire perception of what we see outside of ourselves is predicated by what is already happening within us.


Therefore, if we want love, we must give ourselves love first. We cannot give what we don’t have. If you are running low on your own self-love tank you cannot give high-quality, boundless love to others. You cannot be selfless until your self needs are met first.


We wish and we try and we tug and we push to make it the other way around. I see it everyday. But it does not work like this, and it never will :-/


A wise man told me once that if you listen to any conversation, the following is all that is ever really being said:


“Love me.

Love me?

Now do you love me?

Does this make you love me?

How can I get you to love me?

Do you love me now?

Please, love me.”


It doesn’t matter if it is a professional conversation or a personal one. Seriously, test this out for yourself. Listen to people talk. You will see that it’s true.


There is no better day than on this day, sweet Valentine’s Day, to show ourselves love. If that means doing something and pampering yourself in some way, okay go for it. But remember, you do not need anything to love yourself. Everything you need is already inside of you. I’m serious. Stop trying to fill your perceived void with stuff and things and events. You are complete already, you are whole, and there is so, so much of you to love. About 37.2 trillion cells to be exact.


Be the best lover you can be today by loving yourself first. My humble suggestion on how to do so, you can take or leave it:


Find 10 minutes and head to a quiet corner where you will not be disturbed for this brief time. Sit or lie, and breathe. Close your eyes and just follow your breath. Inhale. Exhale.


Slowly, list 5 things in your head that you love about yourself. They can be anything, as all are welcome in this space. Go over each one fully, relishing in the beauty and goodness of each trait. Continue to focus on your slow inhales and exhales. Enjoy your breath. Enjoy your thoughts.


If you find your mind reaching for things that you do not like about yourself, just allow those frustrations to breathe too, without judgment, then gently return back to your list of 5 lovely things.


When you feel you are finished, open your eyes and continue on with your day or evening. You will feel loved, and the world around you may feel a bit softer, a little bit kinder, a little less threatening or invasive. You may feel a little more whole than you did 10 minutes ago, and a bit more peaceful perhaps.


And it will all be coming from you. You showed up and filled that space. Not anyone or anything else.


You did that. And that my friend, is true power.


That my love, is what love can really do.


I love you. Happy Valentine’s Day. :)


– Lian


P.S. Just a gentle heads up, pre–sale has started for the WorkGrindFly live, online bootcamps. Try out a month for only $19 and share your membership with a loved one too :) Head over to for complete details.


You Are Your Ancestors' Wildest Dream

You are!


Think about it. If you don’t believe me, imagine sitting down with your Great–Grandmother and having a conversation with her about your day.


Tell her about where you live.


Describe what you ate for lunch.


Let her know where you just booked your next vacation.


Tell her about social media and iphones and androids. Heck, you may have to explain to her what the internet is.


If you are a woman, tell her about how you voted in a national election a few months back.


Let her know that right now we are in the middle of Black History Month.


Tell her about your career and/or family plans, and what you aim to manifest for yourself over the next 5 years.


<3   <3     <3   <3


Whether you realize it or not, we all have it really good. I am not saying your entire life has been like one giant Tempurpedic mattress, but your hardest day may still have been more cushy, at least in some aspects, than the hardest days your great–grandmother has seen.


Sometimes this is really hard to remember. To hold space for that gratitude, when so much in our lives seems to be going wrong, can seem like the toughest of tasks.


Is everything right in the world? No. Is everything right within our own lives? Perhaps not. But I bet your great-grandmother, or any of your other ancestors would tell you that it is up to you, dear fellow human, to improve your external reality.


So how do we do this? Well, let’s think about our planet for a second. Mother Earth is just one Big Home that we all inhabit. We all live in the same house. So let’s stop trashing it. And let’s stop bashing our roommates. We all have to live here together, therefore let’s be as mindful of the physical cleanliness as we need to be about the energetic cleanliness. Let’s reduce pollution AND let’s stop yelling at each other. Let’s become more conscious consumers AND let’s end racism once and for all.


Now let’s take this in a more intimate direction.


We have established that Earth is our Big Home. What about our Small Home? If we want to make big changes in this world, let’s examine our immediate living space, because that is where it all starts.


Someone once told me that no single person can effect any real, large-scale change. That statement shook me to my core. I mean, it was just. So. Wrong. Every great idea that ever turned into reality, literally started with one person. So why do we think taking care of our home, our planet would be any different?


I say each one teach one.


Set the right example for your fellow planetary neighbors. Make your home self–sustaining, “green” and vibrating at the highest frequency possible. Your neighbors will be inspired by you to do the same thing. Share with them your research, your discoveries and your how-to’s. Show them the way. YOU BE the that first fingertip touching down and creating the ripple in the pool.


Okay now let’s really hit home.


It’s true we have discussed our Big Home (Earth) and our Small Home (living situation.) What other home is there?


You guessed it! Your body. This is your first and most immediate home, the one that you have the highest level of responsibility to care for. In effect, when you care for your body, you are really caring for the planet.


Do you see how this is so? It is all one. Everything is connected. Every time we use a resource to care for our bodies, we take this resource from our larger home and bring into our smallest home, generating either a negative or a positive effect on both our body and on the planet, every single time.


It is the same whether we are dealing with physical supplies or energies. Of course, everything is energy anyway. But I digress.


My loves, my Big Home roommates, the only way out is in!


The only way to solve anything is to fix it from the inside out. You cannot give something that you do not have. So if you want to create world peace, you must first create peace within yourself. Only then will you have any power to make peace with others. If you want a greener planet, you must first create an alkaline internal environment within your first and most immediate physical space.


Your contribution counts. To think otherwise would completely and utterly unenlightened. You have just as much responsibility as anyone else. I don’t care if you are a CEO or a janitor, live in a densely populated city or if your Small Home is in the woods and has no next-door neighbors at all. The decisions you make everyday are. Very. Important.


Because no life is worthless. And no life is any more worthy or deserving than any other. If you do not believe this, just think back to what your ancestors would tell you. Reflect on how hard they had to work to receive the same pleasures that are now reside at your very fingertips. Don’t waste this beautiful life you have, and don’t waste this beautiful body you have been given, or the beautiful Big Home you inhabit. Those they came before you worked too hard, and they loved and believed in you too much, for you to complain, have self–doubt or just throw your inherent human responsibilities away.


Change what you think is worthless into a life worth living. You can do this automatically. It does not take years of therapy. You can change the perception of your own life with the snap of your fingers, and in doing so, you will instantly change the quality of your life and the quality of your Homes.


We need more awake people.


How you care for your ALL of your Homes matters so much.


We need more folks who think about their Great–Grandmas when they get down or get tired. This can be our auto–perception snap–back: the juxtaposition of your life against theirs, of their struggles and triumphs and sacrifices against your own.


If you need an instant way to re-calibrate your thoughts and remember how important you are, how worthy, this is it. In your imagination, in the privacy of your own thoughts, have that conversation with Great-Grandma. Ask for her wisdom to help guide you to making healthier decisions that will yield a positive outcome for you AND the greater good. Then give the advice away. Share it with your roommates, your neighbors, your fellow earthlings, whatever you want to call us :)

I Love You.

Talk soon.





66 Hours From Now

Hey Friend,

2016 was burly.

I don’t know if I can handle another one! Thankfully, we all won’t have to, because in 66 hours from the time I sent you this email, it will be a whole new year.

So what does 2017 mean to you?

Do you want 2017 to be different than 2016? I know I sure do. So what will have to change in your world in order for this come true?

Seriously though, may I be honest with you? When you wake up between 6-11am on Sunday, January 1st, 2017… (depending on how late you were out the night before)

… There’s not going to be a new car in your driveway.

… You’re not going to wake up next to a new spouse.

… There won’t be some extra zero’s waiting for you in your bank account.

… You most likely won’t have a new job.

… and you won’t wake up to brand new athletic body.

So what’s left to change that will make this year so different?


I mean you on the inside!! Deep down in there. Those hard-to-reach places of your mind and those tender spots in your heart.

Those are going to be your catalysts for change. YOU have to be the one. No one else. Otherwise, nothing is ever going to get better.

Not next year or any other year after that. And you are worth too much. You are too valuable, your gifts are too sorely needed on this planet, we need YOU to step it up and make it happen.

Before you take massive action figure out exactly what it is that you do want. Get specific. Maybe your biggest downfall in 2016 was that you simply didn’t know what you were after, so you just took anything that came your way and ended up wasting precious time.

But not 2017. No,

THIS YEAR you decide what you truly want.

THIS YEAR you put an end to the games.

THIS YEAR you put an end to the excuses.


How to Slay in 2017:

Step #1 Stop being a victim.

If your 2016 totally sucked, join the club.

Stop creating an inner environment that breeds victim-ship. (Yes, I like my made-up word.)

I still have my moments with this, I begrudgingly admit. I flip these thoughts, and instead say “I am so thankful that life knocked me to my knees, literally, this year. Because if it hadn’t, I would have learned nothing. I would not have grown. And I would not have discovered how strong I really am.”

  • You may have experienced financial setbacks this year.
  • You may have lost someone who was very close to you.
  • You may have gone through a near-death experience, or a debilitating accident.

I can relate to all of these things. Even if it’s no more than a case of you just let you down this past year, it’s okay. Put it behind you.

If you owe you this year, then get to work and pay your dues.

You put you on probation for once! This time YOU say to yourself:

“No more take-out right now. No more pizza. No more video games. No more partying, not right now. No, we work it now. The real hustle starts now. In the dark, while no one’s watching, we put in the work now.”

This generates the sweet spot where we change, we grind and we grow.

I am so passionate about this! Listen, if you got side tracked in 2016, if you got pushed around, if life roughed you a bit, get up and dust yourself off. Pick your head up and cruise it into this new year like you got this because you do.


Step #2 Realize who you truly are.

I said it in my last post. You know who you are. There is a 1 in 12 billion chance that you were going to make it to this planet and you did. So whether you like it or not, your life is valuable, and nothing short of a miracle.

Let’s start acting like it and stop taking each day for granted.

Stop expecting things to just be handed to you. If you want something, you still have work hard every day to get it. Technology advancements didn’t change this fact, they just upped the stakes. There is no way out of this if your goal is truly a worthy one.


Step #3 Again, figure out what you truly want.

I mean what you want so bad it’ll feel like you’ve been stabbed in the chest on December 31st,2017 if you don’t reach your goal.

Be grateful for all the incredible gifts you have in your life, and stop worrying about what you don’t have. Stop being upset about what you will never have, and start working towards the things that you can and want to attain. These are what truly matter.

It took me so long to get this through my head. Slow learner is an understatement.

Listen, I can’t snowboard this winter season. I can’t surf. I can’t rockclimb. I can’t dance. I can’t even run. All of the physical activities I enjoy more than anything, I may never be able to do some of these things again.

But so what? I’m here. And I have been given the greatest gift of all. The ability to do what I am on this Earth to do.

I am here to grind.

I am here to love.

I am here to give.

I am here to serve.

I am here to mend.

I am here to enjoy.

What are you here for? Truly, what is your life about? This year, find out what that is, and then you wake up every single day ready to get after it. Every day. You don’t get to take a day off. You did that already in 2016, and there is no time for that now.

Make 2017 the year that you shine. The year that show up and show out.

You look your best, you feel your best, you do your best. That’s it. Game over. New Year, No excuses this time.

I love you. See you next year :)


P.S. Side note, if you would like to join me for an amazing Live ONLINE Nutrition & Fit Lifestyle Workshop and turn your fitness-related resolutions into reality, click here for details and tickets.

Enter promo code 50OFFWORKSHOP at checkout for $50 off the regular price! Why? Because, I freaking love you, that's why! :)

Hurry, this event will sell out, there are only so many spots in the virtual classroom :)

Everyone's Biggest Fear (If You Are In Pain)



Hey you!

This message goes deep today! Just warning you, if you want to keep your mood light and fluffy at the moment then don't read this. Also, 2nd warning: there are a few explicit words in here.

Lastly, if you do not feel like reading this long message, I made it super easy for you! I made of video myself reading this to you :)

Watch that here:

Okay here it goes! 


What is your biggest fear?


I bet I could name it for you. I bet if you dig past the fluff, it is this:


“I am not enough. Therefore, I will never be loved.”


That’s it. I said it. {Pause for awkward silence.}



You know, a lot of our irrational, destructive eating patterns are prodded by this fear.


No, I mistyped. They are completely controlled by it. Ipso facto, our eating is dominated by our fear.


From the anorexic teen who stands in solidarity, denying herself sustenance day after day, to the overweight, sluggish married guy who hates his job, his expanding gut and his car, so he drinks a 6–pack of his feelings each night to cope.


We hate our fear. It is more real than dirt and we bow to serve it unquestioningly every day. We offer our bodies and our sanity up as sacrifice, and it {our fear} all to happily accepts, crippling us in the process. Day after day, lifetime after lifetime. The slow grind. It’s killing all of us.


I look around each day and I see so much pain. Everyone is living in fear. And so because of this, everyone is in pain. But there is such a simple solution here.


My goal is to name the culprit.

{Fear of not being loved.}


From this identification we can face it.

{Acknowledge that we are enough, and that all the love we need is actually right there inside of us.}


Then comes the fun part.


We go spit in it’s face. {Haha!}


You see, I realized who I was one day. I just got it. I realized how f***ing powerful I am. {As are you.}


I realized that I am a goddess, a priestess.

F***ing royalty.

{You are too.}


And who had been my biggest oppressor this whole time?


Me. {Haha!}


Ego. {My fear.}

Ego demanded I show up to school everyday. And I did. I played the student well. Fear wanted to be a cruel teacher and I it’s model student.


F*** that.


That day, the day I found out who I was, I flunked out of class. I just walked out. I threw my textbook labeled “Martyr Yourself First So The World Can’t” against the chalkboard and cruised.


I told life–long mediocrity to kick rocks, and that was it. I didn’t look back because I was done. Done with the old way. Done with the mental beat downs. Done with pandering to my ego. Allowing it to my suck out my energy, my precious inner light, and hold it for ransom each day.

{You have the same light inside of you.}


Pandering to the ego actually feels good for a little while, but soon enough turns back into misery. And so we sink deeper, clinging ever tighter to our oppressor {fear/ego}, Stockholm Syndrome-style.


It was a sick, twisted joke, and I wasn’t laughing anymore. It was time to honor me, to support me, to love me so that in turn I showed up in the world each day infinitely better, and well–equipped to honor and support my fellow brothers and sisters.


Because if we aren’t honoring ourselves… {pause}


honoring OURSELVES!




If we are doing THAT? Then WTF are we doing?


Seriously. No one else is going to do this for us. That’s OUR job. You will always get the level of treatment from others that you accept. Nothing more. You will always allow others to treat you just a tiny bit worse than you treat yourself. Always.


You owe yourself. Start taking responsibility for your current state of happiness. Or misery.


I certainly owed myself that much in spades, and it was time to pay up.


So I started to work hard, and I started to exist hard.


I don’t know if this makes sense.


I started showing up each day as the beautiful source of love I was created to be, {and now finally knew I was} both for myself and for others.


This was new. This was pleasure. This felt so… good. I had come home. Nothing was easier, but everything was… softer. And the days of caring about anything other than the relentless pursuit of fulfilling my compassionate purpose here on this earth {I want to help end suffering} became a distant memory. I just didn’t give a f*** anymore. And at the same time I cared moredeeply than I ever had before, because this time, it was coming from a different place.


And it wasn’t a peaceful parting, but it brought me peace.


And so I want the same for you, dear friend.


Hear me loud, my love –


You DO enough.


You HAVE enough.


You ARE enough.


… and you are loved.


That is it. No more. The pain {your fear} stops now, and it stops with you.


If you have others depending on you, remember this always!

You cannot give what you don’t have.


Choose to love yourself. It is so worth it. Choose to end your own suffering by totally and completely accepting you, just as you are. You owe you that much. You have kept up that strong front for so, so long.


Fall in love with all your shiny parts, and all your shadowy ones too. Your biggest problem will undeniably end up being your greatest gift.


And if you are really going through it right now, and you feel like you cannot breathe each night because you are so consumed with fear, just know –  You can get through this. Everything that is happening to you, is happening for you.


You will turn it all around. All of it. All of you. Love. Acceptance. No fear. You are nothing more. Just love. And there is nothing in this world that is more powerful.


I love you. Happy Wednesday, {or whatever day you are reading this}. Talk soon.



My Favorite Late–Night Snack (Video)


Happy Friday! I thought I’d send along this quick and easy recipe I came up with. This is the PERFECT snack for you if:

1)    You are most likely going out this weekend.

2)    You may have a long night or two (or three, who knows?) of partying ahead of you.

3)    You will more than likely come home between 1-3am, starvinggg.

4)    At this point your brain will still be signaling you to somewhat care about what’s going into your body next, even in a slightly intoxicated state.

5)    But you STILL crave deliciousness and crunchiness and savory-ness!!

( I know, that last one was not really a real word :-/)

Well, I humbly offer a satisfying solution to your problem! Here is the video on how to make my favorite late-night snack. I hope you enjoy!

Happy Weekending!!

I love you and please party safely :)


P.S. Here is the video again :)




Being Vulnerable

Heyyyyyy you!


I know. I know.

It’s been a long time with no word from me. It’s messed up!

But I promise. I can make it up to you. Here’s how I plan to.




I know a statement in all-caps can come off a little obnoxious, but I am just so darn excited. You see, these past 8 months (yes, it has been that long. Yikes!) I have learned so, so much about the human body, the human spirit, and the fierce amount of control the mind exercises over both.


On April 27th, I herniated a disc in my lower back. I didn’t know it at the time though; only that I could not stand up straight anymore, so I tried every type of therapy imaginable. Nothing worked and my condition got alot worse.


I went from hobbling to crawling. I briefly graduated to crutches, but when the pain got to be too great to take even just a few steps, I went back to a life on all fours.


4 ½ months, $8700, hundreds of pills, 3 black outs, 2 nights in the ER and 1 barely usable MRI later (I couldn’t lie flat for the imaging process) I underwent emergency surgery to repair the 10mm++ tear between my L5 and S1 vertebrae.


The doctor removed over half the disc. He said the herniation was massive, one of the biggest he had ever seen. I will never grow that disc back.


He also joked that he had placed bets with his nurses, that I would be one the 8% to re-herniate within the first 12 weeks post-op, due to my active lifestyle and profession.


Ha-ha, I thought. I was determined to prove him wrong.


Now this is the hardest part for me to tell you. I ended up not proving him wrong. I re-herniated my disc before my 12 weeks of recovery were up.


I grit my teeth as I write this. It’s so hard to tell you, because I just feel so… well, dumb.


Rupture a disc once, shame on the universe. Rupture that disc twice, well shame on me. I have no one else to blame but myself.


This is why I have not written in so long. But back to how I am going to make it up to you.


I have been to hell and back, returning with valuable lessons learned. I want to share these with you so that you can use them in your life too.


My hope is that you can take these and use them to live a happier, healthier and more peaceful existence, without having to go through a gnarly injury to do so.


Lesson #1 – Don’t EVER take your body for granted.


Lesson #2 – Appreciate everything. I mean everything. Standing upright. Being able to walk. Lying in a bathtub. Sitting with your back against the trunk of a tree, breathing in some fresh air. Driving a car. Sneezing, pain-free.


Lesson #3 – Be grateful for and utilize nourishing food, fresh water and adequate rest. These are the cornerstones that enabled me to stay slim and trim with zero exercise.


Lesson #4 – If you feel you are pushing yourself too hard, then you are. STOP. It’s NOT worth it.


Lesson #5 – Start meditating. Now.


Lesson #6 – Learn to enjoy being in your own skin. Whatever you have to do to get there, do it. Change your eating patterns. Get more sleep. Switch jobs. Get a better schedule. Get some new clothes. Whatever it is, don’t wait any longer. Life is too short, and it’s not worth it to live any other way.


If I could give one gift, it would be to help others feel the way I now do: wholly complete, and happy in their own skin. I want you to share this gift with me. I want YOU to be happy, and to feel fully comfortable in your own body too.


Lesson #6 – Love your loved ones. Love them with all you’ve got, because I’ll bet you they need it, even if they’re too independent to tell you so.


That was me. Too independent, or more accurately speaking, too pig-headed to ask for help. I thought I didn’t need anyone, until I was stripped of everything I had always wrapped my identity in.


The family, friends and clients who stepped in to help me, ignoring my stubbornness and literally pouring their love onto me, I will be forever grateful for. Even as it felt like life was crumbling down around me, the loving emails, Facebook messages, donations, phone calls and texts helped me get through this challenging time.


Neighbors coming by with green smoothies, friends taking Jeter out to play and giving me piggy back rides when I needed to get somewhere; I will never, EVER forget these kind and selfless acts. It makes me well up with tears writing about them, even months later. I plan to pay it all forward tenfold.


Lesson #7 – Love the core of who you are. Let’s get past all the fluff already. I am learning that none of it ever mattered.


Ask yourself this: Who are you, when you can do nothing but just… be?


When doing anything hurts so bad, even thinking, who are you then?


What then, is left of you? Deep inside, what are you truly made of?


I’ll tell you what you are. You are love. You are courage. You are beautiful. Right down to your core. At your essence.


I know this…to be your truth.


I love you guys. I go in for surgery again on December 14th. I promise to stay better in touch this time around. Talk to you soon.


Love, Lian