I just need to shut the fuck up and pleasure myself.
…but not in the way you think. Here’s my stance: what is sustainable in life is also pleasure-inducing. Flip it back, it’s hard to sustain something that is painful.
And it’s NOT about only receiving pleasure from the end result. There must be measurable pleasure in the DOING, en route to said result.
Ipso facto, one can only maintaina way of being if that way is pleasurable and not painful. The DOING pleasure must far outweigh the DOING pain. Case in point:
A woman wants to lose 15 lbs. What she really wants, is to BE 15 lbs. lighter, and forever too. To be her, 2.0 for life, not just her taking a quick detour and then going back to her original heavier self.
No, she wants to BE a woman who is 15 lbs. lighter because thatis a more authentic representation of who she actually is on the inside, radiating out and how believes she is meant to walk the planet.
So. She goes about creating a plan to lose the weight, and then she starts DOING the plan.
But she makes one grave mistake. She gets caught up in the DOING and pays no attention to the INTENTION behind each action step. She thinks that if she can just get to her intended result, then all the mental stuff will just get sorted out naturally.
Right? She’ll learn to love and be kind to herself at 15 lbs. lighter because then she’ll actually deserve it. Then, she will have earned her own self-love.
Wrong. So fucking wrong.
So let’s check out her head space.
“I am doing this exercise because…”
“I am eating this food because…”
The answers to these questions are literally EVERYTHING in the determination of whether she gets to STAY 15 lbs. lighter for the rest of her life or not.
The doubt is never whether or not she can lose the weight. The real question always is will she keep it off. Because 85% of Americans who lose weight every year, don’t. They lose it. They put it back on. They lose it again, then they put it back with 5 lbs. more. And so on and so on. And the weight loss industry gets richer and the American people get sicker. And more stressed out.
And more metabolically debilitated. And no one stops to examine the source of why all of this isn’t working.
The source is simple; it’s pain. The crux is the lie; that pain as motivation is sustainable for a lifetime. Also, (and this is a big one) that pleasure is not useful. When in reality, pleasure is sustainability’s secret weapon. Let’s make this weapon not so secret any more.
So what does this look like in pragmatic and non-philosophical terms?
Said woman wants to lose 15 lbs. She starts with the end in mind.
The End game: “I want to BE me, as beautiful and magnificent as I am already, 15 lbs. lighter.”
1) Create the DOING game plan.
2) Examine each action step in this plan.
3) Ask: what’s the intention.
Example: “I am going to DO this workout because I AM a fatso who let my laziness get out of control. Now I must pay.”
Another example: “I better stick to eating healthy, because if I don’t lose this weight, I will never be beautiful. No one will ever think that I am attractive. No one will want to be around me. So I better not break down and have a cheat meal. ”
Your body recognizes the fear and pain behind this inner dialogue. And since your body’s #1 priority is to keep you alive, it finds a way be any means necessary to protect you from the thing that is bringing you pain. Which in this case YOU (no one else, own this) have created in your psyche that BEING a 15 lb. lighter woman AND the DOING (the action steps that go with being fit and light) is pain.
So how do we shift out of this? First, this woman gets loves that part of her, not resist it. She lets those thoughts hang out, she doesn’t judge herself, she does not further “punish the punisher” if you will. She stays cool. Then she opens up her mind to new possible intentions:
“I am going to DO this workout, because this is my time. I work hard, and I deserve this hour of my day to go towards toning and enhancing the different parts of my body that I would like to.”
“I love my body, it has served me so well and continues to do so. It gives me life. Therefore, this is my special time to love my body even more, to honor it, to shape it, to make peace with it, to cultivate inner harmony with it, to be in bliss with my physicality.”
“My workout time is luxurious. The sweat, the glow, the breathlessness. The serotonin. Plus, I hold the same intention as the one I have when I get a mani/pedi. It’s my time to celebrate, pamper, love and enhance the body I get to have.”
“This is how the version of me, 15 lbs. lighter, would love and care for my body. Therefore, I BE this now. I BE this attitude, I BE this self-love, and I BE this pleasure.”
“I enjoy this time that I carve out to BE with my body. IN my body. Punishing, disrespecting or trash-talking my own beautiful body gets none here. I do have not time for that.”
“I love and treasure and value my workout time so much, therefore I am going to look forward to this time in my week, every week, for the rest of my life.”
And that folks, is how you build sustainability. That is how you stay 15 lbs. lighter (or whatever your goal is) forever.
If you want to continue this conversation, book a call with me HERE. Let’s chat. And please don’t be intimated by me. That’s silly talk. I am here to help.
Love you. Thanks for listening.