Are You a Unicorn?


(This blog was originally published on May 17, 2015 at

Hey you 

Honestly, are you a unicorn? What am I talking about here?

Blogging Backstory, GO!
Two weeks ago, I was riding in the car with a good friend of mine. She put the guy she just starting dating on speaker phone. So of course I fired off questions. After all, what kind of non-nosy, awesome friend do you take me for? 

“Where are you from? What brought you out to San Diego? Isn’t my friend awesome? She’s the best, you better treat her well!”

“Yes, she is. Of course I will. She’s a unicorn.”

Wow, I thought. I need to digest that statement.

This guy believes he’s found a unicorn. Someone who he did not think existed. A woman who takes care of herself. Someone who is beautiful, confident, extremely smart, fit, has a profitable and fulfilling career, and loves to laugh, travel, and explore the great outdoors. She’d give the shirt off her back for those she cares about, and doesn’t take herself too seriously. On top of all that, she likes him back.

He was right. She’s a total unicorn.

Do you want to find YOUR unicorn? Someone who you didn’t think existed? 
Or maybe you have already found your somebody, and you want to keep that specialness alive, that mutual feeling you both have each other, that he or she is the most precious thing you have ever found.

If I may be so bold, I will tell you how. It’s so simple.

To Find A Unicorn, First BE A Unicorn.

Let’s chat about this. Do you see yourself as a unicorn? Are you a fantasy come true for someone? If you are not, consider these guidelines of engagement:

1.) Don’t want to date someone who will just waste your time?
Then stop wasting your own time.

Stop letting the days slip by and go out and take action on your goals. Or if you already are putting in the effort, say at work or at the gym, then don’t turn around and sabotage your own reward by spending all of your earnings on the weekends, or by eating the doors off your favorite fast-food joint. That is an even bigger waste of time. And a psychological rollercoaster you do NOT want to be on, trust me.

2.) Don’t want to hang with a scatterbrain? Someone who is undisciplined and lazy?
Discipline yourself then. And stop being lazy.

3.) Don’t want to attach yourself to someone who is emotionally unavailable?
Then you BE the bigger person. You go forth and be emotionally available. Lead by example. Open your heart up again. I don’t care how many times it’s been broken. That’s no excuse and it doesn’t freaking matter. You are stronger than you think you are and you CAN handle taking that chance.

Put your ego aside and be vulnerable. Give love. With no strings attached. That is the ONLY way true love gets returned.

Love for loves sake because in my humble opinion, life is too short, the days are too fast and I believe this is the best, most impactful way to live your life.

4.) Don’t want to be with someone who’s going through a chapter 13?
I don’t blame you. But before you judge them, why don’t you go put some work in, and beef up your own bank account.

5.) Don’t want to get down on the dance floor with a fat-ass?
Then don’t BE a fat-ass. Plain and simple.

Hold yourself to your own dating standards. Stop worrying about everyone else’s imperfections and focus on making YOU the BEST version of YOU, first. If you are married, hold yourself under that same microscope you never hesitate over-analyze your spouse with. It’s time to start leading from the front, in all areas of your life.

6.) Want to break it off with somebody because they are not taking you seriously?
Maybe it’s because YOU don’t aren’t taking yourself seriously. People will only give you as much respect as you ask to be given. And by the way, respect is never given anyway. Remember the Titans: “Respect is not given sir, it’s earned.”

How are you spending your time each day? How much value do you place on each waking hour? Are you setting goals for yourself each week and reaching them?

When you show up, are you showing up put together, head held high, slightly mimicking the strut of a supple leopard? (Lol, I’m serious!) 

Or do you walk onto the scene looking sloppy, with your shoulders hunched and no trace of confidence to be seen? Put in the work at home, in the gym, in the office, wherever, so you can show up and show up right– Every single day.

Stop being so harsh on others and so forgiving of yourself. Yes, I said it. Stop being so forgiving of yourself.

Real Talk. I know I am being harsh. But no one else in your life is going to tell you the truth about the way you look, or carry yourself. Think about it. YOU don’t even tell yourself the way you really look or act. We are lining up other people’s actions with our own intentions and that’s lopsided. It needs to stop if you are going to live an honest life that you are proud of, and rock a chiseled body that you are proud of. Day in and day out. All year long.

Enough said. I hope these Unicorn guidelines helped. I think the world needs a few more Unicorns. Don’t you agree? Let’s make it happen.

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P.S. For the first time ever, I am dedicating my blog post to somebody:

R.I.P. Paulie Hayes, a.k.a. Hazelnut.
A true Unicorn AND a true Human. You always lived life the way it was meant to be lived. We could all learn so much from your daily example. Thank you for reading every single one of my overzealous blogs, and for always believing in me and my efforts. You touched so, so many. We miss you and we love you.