Everyone's Biggest Fear (If You Are In Pain)

What is your biggest fear?

 

I bet I could name it for you. I bet if you dig past the fluff, it is this:

 

“I am not enough. Therefore, I will never be loved.”

 

That’s it. I said it. {Pause for awkward silence.}

 

 

You know, a lot of our irrational, destructive eating patterns are prodded by this fear.

 

No, I mistyped. They are completely controlled by it. Ipso facto, our eating is dominated by our fear.

 

From the anorexic teen who stands in solidarity, denying herself sustenance day after day, to the overweight, sluggish married guy who hates his job, his expanding gut and his car, so he drinks a 6–pack of his feelings each night to cope.

 

We hate our fear. It is more real than dirt and we bow to serve it unquestioningly every day. We offer our bodies and our sanity up as sacrifice, and it {our fear} all to happily accepts, crippling us in the process. Day after day, lifetime after lifetime. The slow grind. It’s killing all of us.

 

I look around each day and I see so much pain. Everyone is living in fear. And so because of this, everyone is in pain. But there is such a simple solution here.

 

My goal is to name the culprit.

{Fear of not being loved.}

 

From this identification we can face it.

{Acknowledge that we are enough, and that all the love we need is actually right there inside of us.}

 

Then comes the fun part.

 

We go spit in it’s face. {Haha!}

 

You see, I realized who I was one day. I just got it. I realized how f***ing powerful I am. {As are you.}

 

I realized that I am a goddess, a priestess.

F***ing royalty.

{You are too.}

 

And who had been my biggest oppressor this whole time?

 

Me. {Haha!}

 

Ego. {My fear.}

Ego demanded I show up to school everyday. And I did. I played the student well. Fear wanted to be a cruel teacher and I it’s model student.

 

F*** that.

 

That day, the day I found out who I was, I flunked out of class. I just walked out. I threw my textbook labeled “Martyr Yourself First So The World Can’t” against the chalkboard and cruised.

 

I told life–long mediocrity to kick rocks, and that was it. I didn’t look back because I was done. Done with the old way. Done with the mental beat downs. Done with pandering to my ego. Allowing it to my suck out my energy, my precious inner light, and hold it for ransom each day.

{You have the same light inside of you.}

 

Pandering to the ego actually feels good for a little while, but soon enough turns back into misery. And so we sink deeper, clinging ever tighter to our oppressor {fear/ego}, Stockholm Syndrome-style.

 

It was a sick, twisted joke, and I wasn’t laughing anymore. It was time to honor me, to support me, to love me so that in turn I showed up in the world each day infinitely better, and well–equipped to honor and support my fellow brothers and sisters.

 

Because if we aren’t honoring ourselves… {pause}

 

honoring OURSELVES!

 

With EVERY… LITTLE… BIT WE’VE GOT!

 

If we are doing THAT? Then WTF are we doing?

 

Seriously. No one else is going to do this for us. That’s OUR job. You will always get the level of treatment from others that you accept. Nothing more. You will always allow others to treat you just a tiny bit worse than you treat yourself. Always.

 

You owe yourself. Start taking responsibility for your current state of happiness. Or misery.

 

I certainly owed myself that much in spades, and it was time to pay up.

 

So I started to work hard, and I started to exist hard.

 

I don’t know if this makes sense.

 

I started showing up each day as the beautiful source of love I was created to be, {and now finally knew I was} both for myself and for others.

 

This was new. This was pleasure. This felt so… good. I had come home. Nothing was easier, but everything was… softer. And the days of caring about anything other than the relentless pursuit of fulfilling my compassionate purpose here on this earth {I want to help end suffering} became a distant memory. I just didn’t give a f*** anymore. And at the same time I cared moredeeply than I ever had before, because this time, it was coming from a different place.

 

And it wasn’t a peaceful parting, but it brought me peace.

 

And so I want the same for you, dear friend.

 

Hear me loud, my love –

 

You DO enough.

 

You HAVE enough.

 

You ARE enough.

 

… and you are loved.

 

That is it. No more. The pain {your fear} stops now, and it stops with you.

 

If you have others depending on you, remember this always!

You cannot give what you don’t have.

 

Choose to love yourself. It is so worth it. Choose to end your own suffering by totally and completely accepting you, just as you are. You owe you that much. You have kept up that strong front for so, so long.

 

Fall in love with all your shiny parts, and all your shadowy ones too. Your biggest problem will undeniably end up being your greatest gift.

 

And if you are really going through it right now, and you feel like you cannot breathe each night because you are so consumed with fear, just know –  You can get through this. Everything that is happening to you, is happening for you.

 

You will turn it all around. All of it. All of you. Love. Acceptance. No fear. You are nothing more. Just love. And there is nothing in this world that is more powerful.

 

I love you. Happy Wednesday {or whatever day you are reading this}. Talk soon.

 

– Lian